she forgets herself in people.

I have many addictions. My worst addiction is probably to people and love. I am a codependent at heart. I bury myself into other people so I dont have to face myself, I give of every piece of myself to a person or persons in hopes of getting some return of warmth or love anything to stave off the emptiness and worthlessness I really feel inside. I understand what it is like to avoid oneself and ones emotions. for months Ive become disconnected. I float away in my own world. I sit outside when everyone is asleep and I watch the sky or the moon or the stars and I drift, wishing, hoping for something more than this life. I poor myself into music. I become the songs and words I listen to. they are dark haunting depressing and angry songs all too often that echo my own real feelings. because I cant deal with my own feelings or write them out to face them, I escape into music but find that I sink further and further into depression as everything I take in, whether it be stimulation from a song or lyric to the way a person I love treats me, I take in others feelings and I ingest it, I become it. I fall into dangerous territory where I no longer know who's feelings belong to whom because I have become so intertwined in another's feeling or whatever I throw myself into. Its neverending really but reality is so harsh somedays that I just want to float away and disconnect from everything and everyone. I get suicidal but I somehow survive. I know pain. WE are survivors. We call out for help but we are the souls unheard often and we know the agony that sometimes, all too often, life harsh cold reality can bring. I understand but I also have a deep compassionate heart that is big enough to share warmth with anyone who needs it.

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